Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Love NEVER Dies...

For those of you that are wondering, Mr. Puffy Duffy Fluffy Nickers (what I affectionately called him, but aka Nico) had to be euthanized yesterday afternoon. He had gotten very ill on Sunday morning,( I'm not sure if he knew what was happening to him, and I don't what to know).  his face was heavily swollen, his normal pink colored paw pads and nose had turned to gray, he vomited once, and he was in a lot of pain, so we rushed him to the vet as soon as possible. They did blood work on him and put him on oxygen and injected him with fluids and steroids. They sent him home with us with special food for him and antibotics for him. That day I didn't even bother to eat or drink anything, I sat down by Nico's side day and night; I ate 2 things that day, dinner and a snack, that was all. I had told him that he would get better tomorrow, but I regret saying that...

Monday morning was the saddest day of my life. Nico had many "seizures" that day, and he flipped off my bed and knocked the breath out of him, so I did feline CPR, thankfully that worked and I got him breathing again, but about fainted myself after words. He had another one when he went in the car (and no he wasn't in a crate) he was laying on my lap in the passenger's seat, and when he had that seizure, he about flipped under the driver's seat, but I caught him mid-air before that happened. When we arrived at the vet, I speed-walked in with Nico, and shortly after I gave him to the vet, he stopped breathing, his heart was still beating, so they put him on oxygen again, but they told me that he now couldn't live without the use of the vet's oxygen, so they gave me 2 options: take him home and have him die at home but be in terrible  pain until he dies, or have him be euthanized. I knew what my choice was long before they gave me my options. I choose euthanizing for a number of reasons, but I think Nico wanted his pain to go away, so I spoke for him, I like to think that he appreciated my choice for him, I'm glad I got to see him in his last moments of life. While it was painful for me to watch him be put down, I think it helped him stay calm while I was with him, holding his paw and petting him while they did what was needed. They told me that it would be shocking to see him hooked up to oxygen and while they were euthanizing him, but really I thought watching him living in misery and pain was more shocking. The kindest act of love I ever did for him was probably ask to have his life ended that day. The only thing I regret (besides him dying) was to ask them if I could hold him while he was being put down. But I'm glad I got a few minutes of peace and quite by myself and him after he had been euthanized, and I swear I saw him blink at me once and try to nuzzle under my chin as I held him close to my chest. 
My mom petting Nico shortly after he was put down.
He died with his mouth open where he was hooked up to oxygen. The orange blanket the vet had rapped him up in came home with me and I slept will it all night last night. Nico will be cremated privately according to his vet papers and he should come "back" home to us in 1-3 weeks. I don't know what they do with pets before its time to cremate them, I think I read somewhere that they're kept in a freezer or cooler room so they don't start to smell (I regret not asking).  I just hope he is being treated respectfully as I write this. Anyways, they were nice enough to make me a paw print from his paw and let me take it home (it just needs to dry) and I got to keep some of his furs and a few whiskers. Which I greatly appreciated. 
For Nico: 8/14/2008 to 7/14/2014.

It hurts to be the one
That had to make the choice
Your life rested in my hands
I had to be your voice

I hope you will forgive me
I had to sever the tie
I knew you wouldn’t leave me
You would never say goodbye

Our bond will never be broken
I know this to be true
And when I leave this earth
I have you to look forward to

For now I can only tell you
That I miss you dearly my friend
I’m learning to smile through the days
But you know it’s only pretend

I still see you when I close my eyes
And feel you through and through
This empty place inside my heart
Can be filled by only you


They say memories are golden
well maybe that is true.
I never wanted memories,
I only wanted you.

A million times I needed you,
a million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you
you never would have died.

In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place
no one could ever fill.

If tears could build a stairway
and heartache make a lane,
I’d walk the path to heaven
and bring you back again.

Our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same.
But as we are called one by one,
the chain will link again.


Do not stand at my grave and weep. 
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did NOT die...

Rest in peace my darling boy, mommy will ALWAYS love you.

Ragdoll Mommy~


  1. Oh no! What devastating news! We're so very sorry! Sending (((BIG HUGS))) Roxy & Tigerlino

  2. Sending you our love on the loss of your beautiful boy. Such a hard decision but a brave one done in his best interests.

  3. I worked at a vet's office, and they are tended to and yes, they are generally put in a freezer to fend off decay. the office I worked on used a crematorium at another facility so they would have to wait and then be transported, and each individual cremation would take time as you have to wait for the crematorium to cool enough to collect the ashes.

    I am so very sorry about your loss. That is the downside of the love they give us, the pain when they leave. I think it is worth the trade off.

  4. I managed to get a vet service that would put brandi down at my home, while I was holding her. The other cats in my life I was always present for, but not holding. Either way, telling them what you feel in your heart helps them pass. It's that last ribbon of love and it will never be severed. A comfort for you both.

  5. Ragdoll Mommy eu tenho certeza que você fez a escolha certa , realmente é um ato de amor e coragem colocar para dormir, é muito triste e dói muito mas amar é fazer escolhas pensando no bem estar do outro e não no nosso.

  6. vous avez pris la bonne décision, même si elle est très difficile et très triste, elle met fin aux soufrances.
    courage, et pensées.

  7. I am so, so, so sorry to hear about this. I have had to make the decision to euthanize 2 dogs, and know the pain that goes with that. I also know that it is the most unselfish decision you will ever make. While it was hardest for you, it was the kindest thing you could do for your boy. Thinking of you.

  8. It was the hardest but the kindest decision to let Nico go. He is no longer in pain and maybe he'll meet Tadpole over the rainbow bridge. Much love to you. I hope your heart will heal some day.

  9. Oh my goodness! Hugs from California. We are so sad to hear about this. I think you made the best decision for Nico. True love never dies, both your love for him and his for you. Again, we are so sorry for your loss.

    Emma and Buster

  10. I am so incredibly sorry that you lost Nico. ~hugs~

  11. I am so sorry to hear about Nico. He knew you loved him and you did what was best for him. My thoughts are with you.

    1. I just wanted to add that I had to make the same decision 3 years ago for my Sweet Praline. It was one of the hardest, but the most loving things I could have done for her. I was able to hold her while she was being put to sleep, but I'll always remember that day. However, times does heal and you do realize that you do what is best for your fur children.

  12. I'm so very sorry for your loss. It's just so very hard to say goodbye...even when we know it must be. (((purrs))) and prayers to you.

  13. We are so sorry to hear about your sweet furbaby. Sending nosetaps and soft purrs from all of us at Angel Prancer Pie.

  14. We are so terribly sorry to hear of your loss. The Human has been through this too many times and it never gets easier. You gave your boy a wonderful life and loved him till the end. Sending you our deepest condolences.

  15. Oh, we are so, so heart-broken for you and your loss of your precious Nico. We admired your boy so much. We send you our gentlest purrs and thoughts of love and you will be in our thoughts and prayers.

    Be Well Sweet Nico

  16. I am so, so sorry for the loss of beautiful Nico. Fly free sweet boy.

  17. I am so sorry for your loss of Nico. Helping our fur babies to the Bridge is the hardest decision to make, but at times like this it is the only decision and is the final act of love we can give them.

  18. I'm so very sorry for your loss...it's never easy. Thank you for loving him so well and putting his needs first,

  19. We're so very sorry for your loss. Goodbyes are so hard. Many purrs to you in this sad time.

  20. I'm so sorry that sweet Nico has gone to the Bridge. It's always so hard to lose a furbaby and it sounds like you did everything you could to help him. RIP Nico.

    The Florida Furkids

  21. Our hearts are breaking for you and your loss of dear sweet Nico. You are all in our thoughts and prayers. (((hugs)))

  22. Our hearts break as we read, the pain so familiar--the oxygen, everything. A year ago I lost my closest furchild, so I am so painfully familiar with what you are going through over the loss of Nico. We are sorry that all of this came on so suddenly and unexpectedly wanting all of us to give an extra pat, kind word, and snuggle to those precious babies who remain with us. Rest in peace, dear Nico. You were loved beyond measure and now will watch over those who gave you comfort. (((hugs))
    Julie, Angel Tom, Tinker, Anastasia, Chopin and Bridget

  23. It is hard seeing this. As you know our Rag Doll baby was put down a couple of months ago. There is little I can say except the hurt changes to loving memories. All our love
    the Ol'Buzzard and his wife

  24. we just heard about Nico and wanted to let you know that we are very sorry. sometimes making the decision to let them go, no matter how hard, is the best our people can do. purrs.....

  25. I am so, so sorry for your loss. There is no greater heartache than having to say goodbye to a beloved pet. {{{hugs}}}

  26. We came by again just to let you know how sorry we are about Nico. It is never easy. Purrs...

  27. Letting him go was the last gift you gave to him. Fly free Nico. We are so very sorry for your loss.

    Cats of wildcat woods

  28. We are so very sorry for your loss. We know it was unexpected and must be very painful. As pet lovers, we understand and send you comfort and purrs. Crepes & Alana.

  29. We were very sorry to hear about Nico.

  30. We are sorry Nico had to leave so unexpectedly. It's never easy to lose a beloved pet. Hugs, purrs and tail wags.

  31. I am so so sorry to hear of your loss of Nico.

  32. We just learned of Nico's sudden and unexpected passing. We're so sorry for your loss. The kitties send you gentle purrs.

  33. Please accept our sincere sympathy with regard to the loss of Nico. What a beautiful man-cat he was. I know how hard it is to lose a kitty so suddenly. I have been there a few times. Sending you purrs and prayers, Janet

  34. We are very sorry to read about angel Nico. What a beautiful boy! We send you many many hugs and purrs. Please take care

  35. I just wanted to say how sorry I was to hear about your loss.
    You did the right thing. Helping him.
    It's our job as their Mom's to when it's time.
    It sounds like he had a marvelous life with you.
    I've been there and I know how this goes.
    JC and The Purr and Fur Gang

  36. I am truly sorry about Nico. I send my condolences. Fly away free and without hurt or sorrow sweet baby.

  37. I am so very sorry to hear about your precious Nico. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers during this very devastating time.
    (((hugs))) & <3
    Maggie May

    If this is a double comment, I apologize.

  38. We are so sad to hear that Nico left so suddenly. We send our love prayers and purrs. Until that day we all meet again dear Nico please watch over us.
    Timmy, Dad Pete and Family

  39. We are so sorry to hear of your loss. I'm sure Nico knew he was loved very much.<3

  40. You are in our thoughts and purrs during this very devastating time, we know this has been hard for you but you did the most loving thing for Nico. And he will always live in your heart and know that you put him first. ~Scylla & Family

  41. I am just so, so sorry, Ragdoll Mommy. Your love for Nico, and his for you, will live on forever. Until the day the two of you are reunited at the Bridge. Hugs.

  42. Beautiful poems. I know he was at peace with you close by. I'm sorry you had to go through this and for the loss of such a wonderful friend. You are such a strong young lady. Nico was lucky to have you!

  43. My heart has broken for you. I'm so sorry. Hugs to you all.


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